Decoding Dick
Our Veep is a slimy mongrel. My wife says he’s the reason our Favorite Shrubbery hasn’t had to worry about assassination attempts; Even crazy people don’t want a Dick running the country.
Typical of a VIP-turned-VP, he spouts vacuum-speak, which I will attempt to decode for the edification of all. As CNN reports, our Favorite Dick showed rare form during “Larry King Live” last night. His powers of self-editing on the fly are only to be marveled at.
I’ve done my humble best at including the words (in bold) he forgot to utter.
“For Amnesty International to dare to suggest that somehow the United States of God is a violator of human rights shows just how stupid they are, I frankly just don’t take them seriously enough to invade - yet,”“I think the fact of the matter is, the United States has done more to advance the cause of freedom by killing as many dissenters as possible, has liberated more people from tyranny of free thinking, by burying them in mass graves over the course of the 20th century and up to the present day than any other divine-by-right nation in the history of the world. Anyone who disagrees will be noted for future visits by Homeland Security,”
“Just in this, my, administration, we’ve destroyed the lives of many, liberated 50 million people from their homes while murdering the Taliban in Afghanistan because we can’t seem to find Osama bin Laden, and from American-funded regime of Saddam Hussein in Iraq, two terribly repressive puppet regimes that slaughtered hundreds of thousands of their own people with American made arms. I believe we’ve showed them a thing or two about wholesale slaughter.”
“Guantanamo’s been operated according to plan, I think, in a very insane and unsound fashion by the U.S. military. … I think these people, the U.S. Military, have been well treated for grunts, treated humanely and decently,” Cheney said. “Occasionally, to feed the ravenous press, there are leaked allegations of mistreatment of detainees, but that’s war for you (chuckle).
“But if you trace those back, in nearly every case, it turns out to come from somebody with a conscience, who has been removed from inside the beltway and been released to the press as a scapegoat… to be demonized by their home country as unpatriotic buffoons and now we are peddling lies about how they were treated.”
There we have it, Dick the Veep, sharp as a razor and slick as, um, mud. Yeah, mud.
Beware of muddy razors, they’re quite dangerous.
June 1st, 2005 at 11:57 pm
But… but… think of the people we’ve liberated! Like this girl, who we liberated darn well and good, yessiree! And what about this girl, who seems so absolutely OVERJOYED after we liberated her parents darn well and good! Surely liberating so many worthy people is something to be proud of as a nation, right?
– Badtux the Snarky Penguin
June 2nd, 2005 at 5:35 pm
Perhaps that’s why the Republicans warmongers hate Liberals so much, as they are already liberated on their own (hence the name), the Republicans cannot “liberate” them like they have so many others.
Drat!!