Some transliterated quotes from today’s news, just for fun.
Condoleeza “the Dominatrix” Rice: “I would never claim that the exact nature of this insurgency was understood at the time that we went to war.”
What this means: “When we went to war, we had no idea what would happen. We figured, hell, if we blow it big, the next president could just clean up our mess while we lounge in Aruba off the proceeds of our defense contractor stock dividends.”
Dick “the Dick” Cheney: “Any suggestion that we did not exhaust all alternatives before we got to that point, I think, is inaccurate.”
What this means: “I think it’s inaccurate, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was too busy huddling with the big energy companies playing Pokemon with stock options. I exhausted all alternative there, you bet!”
Tony “the Poodle” Blair: “No, the facts were not being fixed, in any shape or form at all,”
What this means: “ We had no facts. When there are no facts, no facts can be fixed. Next!”
George “Warmonger” Bush was not available for comment. He spent most of the day mountain biking on the deck of the USS Cowpens, shouting “Mission Accomplished!” He thought he was going to a cow pasture.
What this means: He’s an idiot.