Like A Corner in a Maze
Life is like a maze. You know there’s a way through, but there’s no map. Not only that, but once your in, there’s only one way to go - forward. And at every corner, and there are many, there’s no telling what you’ll find.
As I have stumbled with trepidation through my personal maze, moments of clarity sometimes occur. Occasionally I turn the corner to find a whole new, unexpected path in front of me. These moments are forever imprinted on the mind. One such turning happened 16 years ago today. I had been preparing for it for months, so I thought, but one cannot prepare for an event outside one’s experience.
Sixteen years ago, I stood bewildered and nervous in a birthing ward while my wife delivered our daughter. No sleep for two days, high on caffeine and endorphins, holding my wife’s hand while watching her experiencing pain akin to organ failure, and now a red, mewling - something - clasped firmly to a breast. To see her and her new wet bundle literally sent me into a shock. I don’t know how I got home that evening.
My next semi-lucid moment came when I was busy assembling a crib with the help of a concerned cat, when the phone rang. She was - they were - ready to come home. I shot out the door and across town to retrieve them. Enough of the shock wore off by then that as the hospital elevator opened and glanced up, I noticed how different things were. I had turned the corner.
Gaining a child is not unlike loosing a hand. Both are life-altering events. Both force one to readjust to the entirety of life, not just a portion, and all future decisions are determined as viewed against this new criteria. This is an new maze, now.
To speak of the joys of parenting, or any other overworked cliche, just doesn’t convey the reality. Parenting - the act of being a parent - is literally the meaning of life. Life is purposeless otherwise. To nurture, love, guide a new spirit until they can take wing, is the essence of humanity. There is no greater challenge, no duty of higher importance than to allow your progeny to flourish by neither pushing nor holding back. And there is no higher reward than to see a child morph into a sensible, sensitive young adult.
The next corner, I assume, is when our daughter packs off to college. Her wings will get their workout then. I’ll know, when the shock wears off and I take note of the tiniest details, that the next segment of the maze will be revealed.
Only two years from now… She’ll be ready: that’s obvious. But will I?